Our Christmas this year was incredible! We were so blessed to be able to spend Jesus birthday with our friends and family in Texas. Natalie enjoyed being around all her grandparents, aunts and uncles (& of course her baby cousin Cole!!) Mike & I enjoyed our first Christmas together as husband and wife, & also remembering the night we got engaged. It was a wonderful night, & one of those memories I know I will often look back on & smile.
Natalie has recently started to pull herself up to a stand!! Crazy, I know! Within the same week she went from just starting to sit herself up, to standing and squatting! Its incredible! I love it! Shes getting so big! Her Surgery is scheduled for January 11th. I am terrified & anxious all in one. The surgery presents a small opportunity for her to improve a little in her development, & so I look forward to getting it over with. At the same time, I dread it because its horrifying to imagine her laying there put under while they are taking out pieces of her skull a little at a time.... To think of it now makes my stomach turn upside down.
I do however, look forward to bringing in yet another new year with my wonderful little family & I hope everyone has a wonderful end to 2011 & memorable start to 2012 :)
12/26/2011
12/07/2011
Park + Natalie = Big Fun!
So, before the weather starts to get too cold here (Louisiana) We have taken Natalie to the park a few times. Shes at the age now where she actually enjoys it. She loves the swing & the tunnel the most though :)
Here are a few photos
11/18/2011
AFOs
Natalie has had her AFOs for about a week now, and were having a hard time keeping them on her feet. They fit her really well & we have bought shoes that fit snug over them to give even more support but, when she scoots around on the floor her legs kinda drag a little bit and they end up just sliding off after she scoots a few feet. The shoes she has to wear with them make her feet seem so big that she has a hard time controling her legs when she is wearing them too! Its like watching her try to crawl around in flippers or something... She doesnt jump when she stands as much though & I can deffinatly see a difference in her stance when shes actaully on her feet. Its the crawling around thats the problem, and since its her only way to get places right now, its been very difficult to keep the AFOs on.
She seems pretty tolerant of them being on her though, shes always been a pretty patient kid. Anyway, here are a few pictures of the AFOs & her wearing them.
She seems pretty tolerant of them being on her though, shes always been a pretty patient kid. Anyway, here are a few pictures of the AFOs & her wearing them.
11/17/2011
Surgery.
Natalie was seen by Dr. Ghalli, a maxillofacial surgeon here in Shreveport-Bossier today. We were basically told that her surgery would be scheduled for some time late winter... Most likely January or early February. We are waiting to get a call with the exact date and time. Dr Ghalli will be preforming the surgery with Dr Notarianni & they need to set a date that they are both available.
Talking with Dr Ghalli has put both of our minds at ease a little bit, and I am not nearly as stressed out as I was.
They do surgeries on Wednesdays and she 'should' be out of the ICU & at home by Saturday evening. Only one of us will be able to stay with her overnight each night in the ICU, which will be very hard.
I am not too worried about the actual surgery going wrong or anything because there will be two different Drs in there so I feel like shes getting double the amount of care and attention.
I hope that TriCare doesn't take their sweet time with getting this figured out like they have everything else.
All in all today was a great day. We finally had a Dr visit with a new Dr that didn't have any added bad news to tell us. We actually found out that they don't have to take as much off of her skull as originally thought. YAY!
I know we have been in alot of peoples prayers and we truly are thankful for all the support. I know things could be much worse, but we were blessed with such an amazing and happy kid. I feel like all the prayers are really helping, & I know that God will be with us every step of the way.
Talking with Dr Ghalli has put both of our minds at ease a little bit, and I am not nearly as stressed out as I was.
They do surgeries on Wednesdays and she 'should' be out of the ICU & at home by Saturday evening. Only one of us will be able to stay with her overnight each night in the ICU, which will be very hard.
I am not too worried about the actual surgery going wrong or anything because there will be two different Drs in there so I feel like shes getting double the amount of care and attention.
I hope that TriCare doesn't take their sweet time with getting this figured out like they have everything else.
All in all today was a great day. We finally had a Dr visit with a new Dr that didn't have any added bad news to tell us. We actually found out that they don't have to take as much off of her skull as originally thought. YAY!
I know we have been in alot of peoples prayers and we truly are thankful for all the support. I know things could be much worse, but we were blessed with such an amazing and happy kid. I feel like all the prayers are really helping, & I know that God will be with us every step of the way.
10/26/2011
Its been a while....
I don't know where to begin; its been so long I feel like I need to start from the beginning.... But, I wont do that.
Today Natalie was seen by Dr. Notariono, who is a neurosurgeon, about the ridges in her skull. She confirmed Dr Penas original statement of surgery to remove the ridges. We are waiting to be contacted by a Dr Ghalli to find out how soon this surgery would need to be done. Dr Notariono also discovered a place in the back of her skull where her spine meets her head.... Something about a vertebrae that was mishapped and will need to be watched.
As a mother I know I should have been paying very close attention because what she was saying about her vertebrae was very important, but all I could think was....
This is just another day.....
Another thing....
My innocent and beautiful child will have to deal with these things her whole life.
With her delays and being slow to develop mentally, she will always be behind..
I would like to say to all of my friends and family that keep telling me they are sure she will be fine, to please stop. Your hope that she will one day be normal is only heartbreaking. I know better. I have always known better. I want people to except that she is, and always will be different, as Mike and I have, so that they can grow to love her for who she IS and not the dream child/grandchild/niece/cousin... whatever... they hoped she would be.
Some days I feel energized like she can do anything and I'm motivated to help her and I just want to do the therapy. Then other days.... its really hard. I get sad so easily. I love her so much and I feel like her life is going to be so hard & its not fair to her. I wish I could take it all away.
When I change her diaper I find myself wondering how long I am going to have to do it. She is 15 months old and isn't crawling. Shes a long way from walking, and is just now starting to push herself in a sitting position. It could very well be 5 years until she is even beginning to train.
My worst fear is her being that kid in school everyone laughs at because they are slow. & that kills me.
Whenever I was growing up and my parents were together, when everything was good, we lived across the street from a girl who had down syndrome. Sometimes I think of her and how much fun we had. Even though she got on my nerves sometimes because she couldn't understand simple things I would try to explain... She seemed blissfully unaware that she was different and we got along just fine.
I think out of the 7-8 years I lived in that house we were friends the whole time and she was constantly at my house on the trampoline and playing games with my sister and I. She was a year older than I was and 3 years older than my sister. I would have RATHER played with some of my other friends who lived across town and were in my grade and could add 2+2, but when I think back I cant even think of one time the 3 of us were together that I didn't have a blast!
I know that being friends with her gave me the little bit of patience I have. I also feel that growing up with someone who was mentally challenged as a close friend gave me a kindness that not alot of people have.
I pray when Natalie grows up she has friends that look back when they are 22 and are happy they knew her.
I hope she changes someones life, & makes them a kinder, more patient person than they might have been.
I know she has changed my life. I wouldn't trade places with any mother in the entire world; even on my most down days I am thrilled to have Natalie as my daughter.
Today Natalie was seen by Dr. Notariono, who is a neurosurgeon, about the ridges in her skull. She confirmed Dr Penas original statement of surgery to remove the ridges. We are waiting to be contacted by a Dr Ghalli to find out how soon this surgery would need to be done. Dr Notariono also discovered a place in the back of her skull where her spine meets her head.... Something about a vertebrae that was mishapped and will need to be watched.
As a mother I know I should have been paying very close attention because what she was saying about her vertebrae was very important, but all I could think was....
This is just another day.....
Another thing....
My innocent and beautiful child will have to deal with these things her whole life.
With her delays and being slow to develop mentally, she will always be behind..
I would like to say to all of my friends and family that keep telling me they are sure she will be fine, to please stop. Your hope that she will one day be normal is only heartbreaking. I know better. I have always known better. I want people to except that she is, and always will be different, as Mike and I have, so that they can grow to love her for who she IS and not the dream child/grandchild/niece/cousin... whatever... they hoped she would be.
Some days I feel energized like she can do anything and I'm motivated to help her and I just want to do the therapy. Then other days.... its really hard. I get sad so easily. I love her so much and I feel like her life is going to be so hard & its not fair to her. I wish I could take it all away.
When I change her diaper I find myself wondering how long I am going to have to do it. She is 15 months old and isn't crawling. Shes a long way from walking, and is just now starting to push herself in a sitting position. It could very well be 5 years until she is even beginning to train.
My worst fear is her being that kid in school everyone laughs at because they are slow. & that kills me.
Whenever I was growing up and my parents were together, when everything was good, we lived across the street from a girl who had down syndrome. Sometimes I think of her and how much fun we had. Even though she got on my nerves sometimes because she couldn't understand simple things I would try to explain... She seemed blissfully unaware that she was different and we got along just fine.
I think out of the 7-8 years I lived in that house we were friends the whole time and she was constantly at my house on the trampoline and playing games with my sister and I. She was a year older than I was and 3 years older than my sister. I would have RATHER played with some of my other friends who lived across town and were in my grade and could add 2+2, but when I think back I cant even think of one time the 3 of us were together that I didn't have a blast!
I know that being friends with her gave me the little bit of patience I have. I also feel that growing up with someone who was mentally challenged as a close friend gave me a kindness that not alot of people have.
I pray when Natalie grows up she has friends that look back when they are 22 and are happy they knew her.
I hope she changes someones life, & makes them a kinder, more patient person than they might have been.
I know she has changed my life. I wouldn't trade places with any mother in the entire world; even on my most down days I am thrilled to have Natalie as my daughter.
8/31/2011
Cat Scan Results Are In...
Natalies CT scan pretty much confirmed Dr Penes ridge theory. Natalie has a few places where he skull has grown too rapidly together in the wrong place and has created "ridges" that could be very harmful to her if the bone begins to press down onto her brain. It doesn't at all explain what is causing her delay so, its yet another thing to add to our growing list of issues our poor Natalie is going to have to endure... We have to make her an appointment to see a neurosurgeon in case surgery is necessary. if so then a few pieces of her skull will be taken out to allow for the rest of the skull to eventually grow properly and proportionately.
Dr Pene says that not having a specific diagnosis of whats holding her back is actually a good thing. If we never figure it out then the chances of her learning quicker, and slowly overcoming whatever wall is holding her back, are greater. Which is really good news.
So, I guess today was a bitter sweet kinda day. On the upside, Natalie may not have anything wrong with her other than shes just a very slow learner with maybe some muscle tightness. But, on the down side... She may have to have surgery on her skull.
Its amazing how at the same time I have never been this terrified and yet so happy at the same time. Natalie really is the best part of my amazing life & if surgery is going to make that even better and keep my baby healthy then I say, bring it on!! Shes a tough girl! After all, she is her mothers daughter :)
Dr Pene says that not having a specific diagnosis of whats holding her back is actually a good thing. If we never figure it out then the chances of her learning quicker, and slowly overcoming whatever wall is holding her back, are greater. Which is really good news.
So, I guess today was a bitter sweet kinda day. On the upside, Natalie may not have anything wrong with her other than shes just a very slow learner with maybe some muscle tightness. But, on the down side... She may have to have surgery on her skull.
Its amazing how at the same time I have never been this terrified and yet so happy at the same time. Natalie really is the best part of my amazing life & if surgery is going to make that even better and keep my baby healthy then I say, bring it on!! Shes a tough girl! After all, she is her mothers daughter :)
8/30/2011
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow we go BACK to Monroe to view the results of Natalies (not too) recent CT scan. Hopefully this will shed some light on what may be hold my little princess back. She will never be able to reach her full potential until we figure it out.
8/16/2011
More Pictures!!
So, I said there would be more pictures of Natalie opening her presents and stuff from her 1st birthday. and here they are :)
8/15/2011
Yummy Yummy
As you all know, Natalie has (among other things) been having problems with speach and making sounds. Well, She has recently started to making humming noises while she eats. When she takes a bite of something she likes she goes hmmmm... When I say "oh thats yummy yummy" she goes hummy hummy in her little humming voice, almost like she is trying to say yummy yummy! Its great! When she cries and shes alone, like in her crib in the dark... She cries... MAAAAAAHH MAAAAAHH! like shes trying to say mama. Shes been doing that one for a little while, even some of our family has heard it!!
She hasnt really been making any progress at all in therapy for a few months. Just barely sitting for maybe a min longer than her usual 2-3 min average and it looks like she tried to sit herself up pretty often but she just cant figure out how to do it yet. Im not sure why but lately when I try to work with her and put her into different possitions she just gets excited or mad and stretches out and kinda locks her body out completely. She has strong legs, so when they are locked... they are LOCKED! I feel like part of the problem is that shes so interested in everything and anything that she wont do the things she needs to in order to improve... and when I try to force her she just gets tense and her body refuses it. Its little phases like this that make it so hard to be this mom I have to be...
I have this natural emotional defense that makes me take something she does well and do it over and over again because of my own selfish need to see her succeed. Its aweful, but I think its the only thing that keeps me from breaking down sometimes, even though I know I should be working on things she hasnt gotten yet, like sitting... I watch her scoot around the floor and try to crawl because its something she can do on her own without help and she enjoys.
So many things about her needs make me into a parent I didnt want to become. Doing therapy with her every single day at home and in the office kinda spoils her because right now... its just play time... She confuses me being down with her on the floor doing "work" as play time because thats how her therapy started out. Which in turn makes me feel like she just doesnt understand the difference and thats why she refuses to do the moves. I wish that play time could be play time and enjoyable for us both, but alot of times it isnt... I let her play with my face and clothes and things when we have play time and when its therapy time she doesnt want to do anything because she thinks she can play..... UUGGH! Because I refuse to let therapy be the only time we play... Im with her alot. with feeding her and changing her and work and playing and bath times... there isnt alot of time we are apart during the 12-16 hours we are up together. So, when I do need to get some cleaning or something done she cries her eyes out because we have been innocently spoiling her by spending so much time with her. of course when Mike gets home he wants to spend time with her too... So that first hour is litterally my only break.
I told myself during pregnancy that I would not have a spoiled child, but I fear she just doesnt understand sometimes and thats why she cries. She doesnt understand why I take her cup away from her when shes thirsty... even though its empty and I tell her every time that I am going to refill it.... So, why would she understand that I have things to do during the day that need to be done and I cant have her attached to my hip all the time... Being a mom is hard. Being THIS mom is really hard... Dont get me wrong, its still wonderful... wonderfully difficult.
She hasnt really been making any progress at all in therapy for a few months. Just barely sitting for maybe a min longer than her usual 2-3 min average and it looks like she tried to sit herself up pretty often but she just cant figure out how to do it yet. Im not sure why but lately when I try to work with her and put her into different possitions she just gets excited or mad and stretches out and kinda locks her body out completely. She has strong legs, so when they are locked... they are LOCKED! I feel like part of the problem is that shes so interested in everything and anything that she wont do the things she needs to in order to improve... and when I try to force her she just gets tense and her body refuses it. Its little phases like this that make it so hard to be this mom I have to be...
I have this natural emotional defense that makes me take something she does well and do it over and over again because of my own selfish need to see her succeed. Its aweful, but I think its the only thing that keeps me from breaking down sometimes, even though I know I should be working on things she hasnt gotten yet, like sitting... I watch her scoot around the floor and try to crawl because its something she can do on her own without help and she enjoys.
So many things about her needs make me into a parent I didnt want to become. Doing therapy with her every single day at home and in the office kinda spoils her because right now... its just play time... She confuses me being down with her on the floor doing "work" as play time because thats how her therapy started out. Which in turn makes me feel like she just doesnt understand the difference and thats why she refuses to do the moves. I wish that play time could be play time and enjoyable for us both, but alot of times it isnt... I let her play with my face and clothes and things when we have play time and when its therapy time she doesnt want to do anything because she thinks she can play..... UUGGH! Because I refuse to let therapy be the only time we play... Im with her alot. with feeding her and changing her and work and playing and bath times... there isnt alot of time we are apart during the 12-16 hours we are up together. So, when I do need to get some cleaning or something done she cries her eyes out because we have been innocently spoiling her by spending so much time with her. of course when Mike gets home he wants to spend time with her too... So that first hour is litterally my only break.
I told myself during pregnancy that I would not have a spoiled child, but I fear she just doesnt understand sometimes and thats why she cries. She doesnt understand why I take her cup away from her when shes thirsty... even though its empty and I tell her every time that I am going to refill it.... So, why would she understand that I have things to do during the day that need to be done and I cant have her attached to my hip all the time... Being a mom is hard. Being THIS mom is really hard... Dont get me wrong, its still wonderful... wonderfully difficult.
7/27/2011
CT Scan..
Well, the day has been long, but Natalie got her CT Scan out of the way. She was really fighting sleep when they tried to sedate her the first time, so we waited and waited and then gave her a little more medicine and she went right to sleep. I think it may have been too much though, because she wouldn't wake up for about an hour afterwards no matter how much I tried. We cant leave until she wakes up and drinks some juice to make sure she can hold something down. So, we leave around 430am get there around 615am. get sedated around 11am. and dont get to leave until around 1!
I snapped a picture of Natalie asleep on my cell before they wheeled her away...
I snapped a picture of Natalie asleep on my cell before they wheeled her away...
Isnt she just adorable!! :)))
7/26/2011
CT Scan-6:30am
CT Scan tomorrow morning. Prayers greatly appreciated! Leaving at 430am to head to monroe.
Missouri Trip/ Natalies First Birthday!
I was a bad MaMa and forgot my camera at home so... we had to settle for taking pictures on our phones and they didnt turn out that great.... I never realized how awesome the anti-shake feature on my camera was until I took about 20 blurry ones on my cell.. grrr!
well, here are some photos. Enjoy!
well, here are some photos. Enjoy!
7/12/2011
Kansas!!
Saturday we are going to be making the (very long) 8 hour drive to see Mikeys family in Kansas. Were taking Mikes Nefew, Zane up there with us as well. He is 6 and has been visiting his mom in texas for the summer. His dad lives in Kansas so were just going to haul him up there too. Might as well :) Two kids... In a small economy car.... for 8 hours... YAAAY....
Natalies Birthday is on the 20th so were probably going to be having a little get together sometime while we are down there to celebrate. We got Natalie this toy that is like a farm themed music board. She can push the animals and it says what they are or the number and it was like.. the cow moos 2 times.. and makes the moooo sound twice (1-5) Its super cute! She can use it when she practices her sitting because its too big for her to pick up. (she always falls when she can grab stuff and put it in her mouth. she just goes down like a tree and doesnt even care...) That farm toy also attaches to one of those walk behind toys to help baby practice walking. She cant use that yet at all but, I figure it there when she needs it :) She just hold onto the handles for ballance and when she walks it rolls. It makes farm noises when it moves too so its pretty interactive...
Im going to try and shape her birthday cake into the hat from the cat in the hat... but, Im not sure if I can or not... I may end up just drawing the hat on a white cake with colored iccing or something.. That will be one of those last minute things im sure.
Natalies Birthday is on the 20th so were probably going to be having a little get together sometime while we are down there to celebrate. We got Natalie this toy that is like a farm themed music board. She can push the animals and it says what they are or the number and it was like.. the cow moos 2 times.. and makes the moooo sound twice (1-5) Its super cute! She can use it when she practices her sitting because its too big for her to pick up. (she always falls when she can grab stuff and put it in her mouth. she just goes down like a tree and doesnt even care...) That farm toy also attaches to one of those walk behind toys to help baby practice walking. She cant use that yet at all but, I figure it there when she needs it :) She just hold onto the handles for ballance and when she walks it rolls. It makes farm noises when it moves too so its pretty interactive...
Im going to try and shape her birthday cake into the hat from the cat in the hat... but, Im not sure if I can or not... I may end up just drawing the hat on a white cake with colored iccing or something.. That will be one of those last minute things im sure.
7/06/2011
MRI Results In...
We went to Dr Pene's office today to get the results of Natalies recent brain MRI. They were pretty inconculsive. But based on her symptoms and the MRI her Neurologist thinks that the most likely cause is Cerebral Palsy.
We are both hurt really badly.... Its not for sure yet because Dr Pene wants to run more tests. Sometime next month or the end of this month (waiting for a call) Natalie will receive a CT scan and we have to make an appointment to see and Genetisist.
I know it could be worse but, I just cant get out of my head the idea I had of ballet classes and softball and little girl things that my daughter will possibly never do. It hurts.
So many people out there become disapointed in their children for small reasons or take for granted the smalles things like talking saying their kids never stop talking.... well, I would trade any amount of physical pain to have my daughter live a "normal" life. I love her so much... It just hurts so bad...
We are both hurt really badly.... Its not for sure yet because Dr Pene wants to run more tests. Sometime next month or the end of this month (waiting for a call) Natalie will receive a CT scan and we have to make an appointment to see and Genetisist.
I know it could be worse but, I just cant get out of my head the idea I had of ballet classes and softball and little girl things that my daughter will possibly never do. It hurts.
So many people out there become disapointed in their children for small reasons or take for granted the smalles things like talking saying their kids never stop talking.... well, I would trade any amount of physical pain to have my daughter live a "normal" life. I love her so much... It just hurts so bad...
7/04/2011
The day after tomorrow...
Yea, I am pretty much a contradiction when it comes to the 6th. Happy/sad, anxious/at peace, nervous/calm... IDK In a day I am looking forward to finding out what exactly was on Natalies MRI but, at the same time its could very well be one of those life changing days that tears me up inside for the rest of my life...
Either way, her appointment is wednesday and ready or not, it coming...
Either way, her appointment is wednesday and ready or not, it coming...
6/12/2011
The MRI..
So, as I have been saying, Natalie was scheduled an MRI on the 9th (at 6:30 in the morning at a hospital 2 hours from my house..). The MRI went well and we find out whats actually on it net month. Our little sweetie did so good! The nurses there that sedated her and the other infants who had MRI's (apparently they do them all on the same day?...)were so awesome!
She fell asleep quickly and woke up shortly after the MRI was done. It couldnt have gone any smoother :) I am anxious to find out if anything was found in the MRI. Patience is not really my thing...
Mike couldnt go with us because he is still in Airman Leadership School :( But he will be able to go with us when we have our consult with Dr. Pene next month. I will try to keep you all updated.
*and to my family who I forget to update.. Im SOOO SORRY!
6/06/2011
5/27/2011
30 Before 30 Update..
Marking 2 things off! woohoo! Its a start :)
1 Kitchen remodel
2Repurpose a piece of furniture
3 Be entered into the foster parent program
4 Marry the man of my dreams :)
5 Beat the Air Force PT standards for women
6Buy and ride my own bicycle
7 Guest room makeover
8 Create 3 things for our home (anything)
9 Make and hang curtains for our room
10 Bathroom makeover
11 Laundry room makeover
12 Have a family portrait taken
13 Go on a cruise with Mike
14 Have two cars paid off
15 Bake jalapeno bread
16 Collect 500 dollars in change for Natalie's savings
17 Buy a new couch for the den
18 Get a mattress for the guest room
19 Add a second rack to mine and Mikes closets
20 Have the family here for Thanksgiving
21 Plant flowers in our front garden
22 Make a dress
23 Take Natalie on a family vacation
24 Finish Natalie's baby scrapbook
25 Visit Colorado
26 Travel to another country
27 Learn to cook 10 new things
28 Get furniture for the patio
29 Take a dance class
30 Have a garage sale
1 Kitchen remodel
2
3 Be entered into the foster parent program
4
5 Beat the Air Force PT standards for women
6
7 Guest room makeover
8 Create 3 things for our home (anything)
9 Make and hang curtains for our room
10 Bathroom makeover
11 Laundry room makeover
12 Have a family portrait taken
13 Go on a cruise with Mike
14 Have two cars paid off
15 Bake jalapeno bread
16 Collect 500 dollars in change for Natalie's savings
17 Buy a new couch for the den
18 Get a mattress for the guest room
19 Add a second rack to mine and Mikes closets
20 Have the family here for Thanksgiving
21 Plant flowers in our front garden
22 Make a dress
23 Take Natalie on a family vacation
24 Finish Natalie's baby scrapbook
25 Visit Colorado
26 Travel to another country
27 Learn to cook 10 new things
28 Get furniture for the patio
29 Take a dance class
30 Have a garage sale
Last Day...
Yesterday was Ashley's (Natalie's physical therapist) last day to work at the Little Works In Progress office. Which means we wont be seeing her anymore. I'm a little nervous about Natalie switching to a new Therapist because she seems to do really well with Ashley. Shes been with her from the beginning, so she knows all about Natalie's progress, what toys she likes, what she can do and what she is uninterested in doing...
The new therapist, who's name I believe is Sally, seems really nice. I like that she has been attending a few therapy sessions to get to know the kids that Ashley worked with before she takes over her workload. Every time Ashley had went on a break or had to have someone fill in for the day, Natalie HATED it. I guess you just get use to one thing and when that's changed, especially for a child, its really rough.
We have been looking at a different therapy program where the therapist comes to your home and does the session. Mike and I think it would be great so that Natalie is here with her own toys, but at the same time I think its important she gets out of the house too. I guess we will just have to see how things go with Sally, & also with my new nanny job.
I have been watching little Noah for a few days a week so he gets use to me and my home but I officially start on the 13th. Having two babies here is a little crazy and sometimes pretty hard. I think it will end up being good for both of them to have to share my attention and the toys and things, since they are both only children...
The new therapist, who's name I believe is Sally, seems really nice. I like that she has been attending a few therapy sessions to get to know the kids that Ashley worked with before she takes over her workload. Every time Ashley had went on a break or had to have someone fill in for the day, Natalie HATED it. I guess you just get use to one thing and when that's changed, especially for a child, its really rough.
We have been looking at a different therapy program where the therapist comes to your home and does the session. Mike and I think it would be great so that Natalie is here with her own toys, but at the same time I think its important she gets out of the house too. I guess we will just have to see how things go with Sally, & also with my new nanny job.
I have been watching little Noah for a few days a week so he gets use to me and my home but I officially start on the 13th. Having two babies here is a little crazy and sometimes pretty hard. I think it will end up being good for both of them to have to share my attention and the toys and things, since they are both only children...
This is Natalie's former Physical Therapist, Ashley. She will be missed.
(& I know her watch will be too)
5/08/2011
My First Mothers Day...
We dont have anything special planned for today, Mike and Natalie took me out for a mothers day lunch yesterday... But this morning I got to sleep in until 10 (yay!) and Mike and Natalie woke me up together :) Natalie so brightens my world. Im not a morning person and still everytime I see her little two tooth smile my morning is brighter somehow and I am more energized to get out of bed.
There are so many wonderful things about being a mother, it hard to believe there is a day to celebrate me for being one. It seems this should be a day I celebrate Natalie for for being such an amazing blessing in my life and ALLOWING me such great joy! She quite litterally is every single thing to me. There isnt one single thing I wouldnt give to make her life the absolute best it could be.
The simple fact is... I LOVE BEING A MOM!
There are so many wonderful things about being a mother, it hard to believe there is a day to celebrate me for being one. It seems this should be a day I celebrate Natalie for for being such an amazing blessing in my life and ALLOWING me such great joy! She quite litterally is every single thing to me. There isnt one single thing I wouldnt give to make her life the absolute best it could be.
The simple fact is... I LOVE BEING A MOM!
4/20/2011
Our Wedding Day!
So, the wedding turned out pretty much amazing! The honeymoon, of course, was equally great! I'm so glad that we are finally back home and things are back to normal again. Well, somewhat back to normal. I got my drivers license changed today, tomorrow were going on base to get me registered for a Military Dependant ID and put onto Mike Tricare Insurance plan. Its going to be a long process of getting everything done so that we are actually married in all of our legal systems and everything. I still have to get my SS card changed from Smith to Davis.
Even though we told people that gifts werent needed at all (since we have been living together for 2 years.. we pretty much dont need anything), we ended up getting a bunch of cash and gifts cards. It was really small and nice. Which to us was much better! The best part of a small wedding is that everyone who IS there really WANTS to be there. So there was no drama, no fighting, and absolutly everyone there was happy to see us happy together! Thats the way that weddings should be.
My friend Amanda Morace did our photos. we had a lot of fun ones done. I like them better because thats more how we are together. The ones I have seen turned out really well! I only had a small look though (24 pictures). Let me just say.. This girl is AMAZING! She hasnt been to school for it or done too teribly many photo shoots or events, but shes very creative! Mostly with the editing. Alot of the pictures she just kinda snapped and ended up doing some editing on to make them amazing!
Even though we told people that gifts werent needed at all (since we have been living together for 2 years.. we pretty much dont need anything), we ended up getting a bunch of cash and gifts cards. It was really small and nice. Which to us was much better! The best part of a small wedding is that everyone who IS there really WANTS to be there. So there was no drama, no fighting, and absolutly everyone there was happy to see us happy together! Thats the way that weddings should be.
My friend Amanda Morace did our photos. we had a lot of fun ones done. I like them better because thats more how we are together. The ones I have seen turned out really well! I only had a small look though (24 pictures). Let me just say.. This girl is AMAZING! She hasnt been to school for it or done too teribly many photo shoots or events, but shes very creative! Mostly with the editing. Alot of the pictures she just kinda snapped and ended up doing some editing on to make them amazing!
Well, without further ado, here are a few pictures from our special day! (I share more as I get them..)
4/03/2011
Natalie Loves To "Read"...
Were hoping this is NOT a phase. She does love her little books, as well as being read to.
As long as you are reading she is still and listening, but when you pause or need to turn the page she tries to turn it/eat it/grab it out of your hands.
Its cute!
3/28/2011
Real Parenting VS Ideal Parenthood...
I have been typing and deleting for about 4 minutes now, trying to find a way to start this post. It is hard for me and as I type these words I am fighting back the urge to go into our room, lay on the bed and cry while Natalie naps. I tend to do this more often than I would like to admit. She has developmental problems we have yet to find a cause for. Its heartbreaking. Growing up I always wanted to be a mother, even though my pregnancy was a VERY unexpected gift. I, as I am sure most pregnant women do, had this image of how she was going to look and act. I prepared myself to teach her by reading every parenting article I could get my hands on. I weighed the pros and cons of every type of method from sleeping to eating to playing to learning and back! I was prepared and determined to be the best mother in the world no matter what!
More often than not, I feel hopeless; less and less like the supermom I was ready to become. She is behind mentally and physically. I would trade ANY part of my life, if only she could have a normal one. I didn't/don't do drugs or drink. I exercised during pregnancy all the recommended ways. I ate healthy at least 85% of the time... I cant help but think it is my fault. I didn't take enough prenatal supplements or maybe I shouldn't have slept that way that one night... But I know there is nothing I could have done. I get frustrated when I do her "at home therapy" because she just CANT do things she should be able to... Then I feel bad because, what kind of a mother gets frustrated at that? I should be helping her, not thinking of myself! Who cares how I feel when my daughter, my whole world is struggling to learn to sit!
I have recently started taking medication for depression/anxiety. Again, I think... What a horrible mother I am.... I shouldn't need a pill to help me keep from feeling hopeless. I have a beautiful child and a wonderful fiance! So, on top of feeling hopeless and frustrated about my child's future, I feel guilty that I don't appreciate the things I do have.
I don't know what there is that I can do. We have seen doctors and have tests pending, but its so hard. Waiting for news you and everyone who works with your child know its going to be bad. The day Natalie was born, was the best day of my life. I feel like some people say that and they only say it because everyone does... But, I never knew a heart could feel so much love. Its the most incredible and indescribable feeling. But hearing that your daughter will need physical therapy for years, and she needs to see a neurologist, and that she isn't hitting even close to her milestones...
HEARTBREAK.
That feeling is easy to describe. My perfect child isn't perfect? No, not MY child! Mike says things like.. "she will grow out of it", and I know he just needs to tell himself that to feel better. He doesn't want to believe his precious baby girl, HIS world, is anything but perfect.
I remember once, right before I got pregnant, I was praying for patience in looking for a new job...Well God, you sure did show me how much patience I really have...
I know my God has given me more strength than I ever though I would have to handle this hurdle and I am grateful for that. I enjoy the small goals that Natalie reaches more than any other mom I know does with their child. I feel like maybe I have at least that to look forward to. Her smaller (and seemingly less important) victories are huge celebrations in our house and I love every one of them.
I guess part of being a "super mom" is preparing yourself for heartbreak. No child will be perfect. But to me, my sweet Natalie is perfectly imperfect and I love her all the same. Her motivation and determination is incredible. I would give any one of my talents for that.
More often than not, I feel hopeless; less and less like the supermom I was ready to become. She is behind mentally and physically. I would trade ANY part of my life, if only she could have a normal one. I didn't/don't do drugs or drink. I exercised during pregnancy all the recommended ways. I ate healthy at least 85% of the time... I cant help but think it is my fault. I didn't take enough prenatal supplements or maybe I shouldn't have slept that way that one night... But I know there is nothing I could have done. I get frustrated when I do her "at home therapy" because she just CANT do things she should be able to... Then I feel bad because, what kind of a mother gets frustrated at that? I should be helping her, not thinking of myself! Who cares how I feel when my daughter, my whole world is struggling to learn to sit!
I have recently started taking medication for depression/anxiety. Again, I think... What a horrible mother I am.... I shouldn't need a pill to help me keep from feeling hopeless. I have a beautiful child and a wonderful fiance! So, on top of feeling hopeless and frustrated about my child's future, I feel guilty that I don't appreciate the things I do have.
I don't know what there is that I can do. We have seen doctors and have tests pending, but its so hard. Waiting for news you and everyone who works with your child know its going to be bad. The day Natalie was born, was the best day of my life. I feel like some people say that and they only say it because everyone does... But, I never knew a heart could feel so much love. Its the most incredible and indescribable feeling. But hearing that your daughter will need physical therapy for years, and she needs to see a neurologist, and that she isn't hitting even close to her milestones...
HEARTBREAK.
That feeling is easy to describe. My perfect child isn't perfect? No, not MY child! Mike says things like.. "she will grow out of it", and I know he just needs to tell himself that to feel better. He doesn't want to believe his precious baby girl, HIS world, is anything but perfect.
I remember once, right before I got pregnant, I was praying for patience in looking for a new job...Well God, you sure did show me how much patience I really have...
I know my God has given me more strength than I ever though I would have to handle this hurdle and I am grateful for that. I enjoy the small goals that Natalie reaches more than any other mom I know does with their child. I feel like maybe I have at least that to look forward to. Her smaller (and seemingly less important) victories are huge celebrations in our house and I love every one of them.
I guess part of being a "super mom" is preparing yourself for heartbreak. No child will be perfect. But to me, my sweet Natalie is perfectly imperfect and I love her all the same. Her motivation and determination is incredible. I would give any one of my talents for that.
3/13/2011
My 8 Month Old Loves Hide&Seek
Natalie LOVES to play underneath our coffee table in the den. The whole space is pretty much hers to play in so its not a big deal, its just entertaining to watch. She has just recently learned to "army crawl" and she works her way to the coffee table and just kinda plays there... even if there aren't any toys with her!
Whenever we "find" her she gets all excited and squeals a little :) Its super adorable! Here are a few pics I snapped of her playing under the table. Please excuse the horrible pictures as they were all taken with my cell (because I NEVER have my camera when I need to take a cute picture!)
Whenever we "find" her she gets all excited and squeals a little :) Its super adorable! Here are a few pics I snapped of her playing under the table. Please excuse the horrible pictures as they were all taken with my cell (because I NEVER have my camera when I need to take a cute picture!)
3/02/2011
Wedding Reading..
April, My matron of honor who just so happens to be Mikes sister, is going to be doing a reading during our ceremony of a poem that she has enjoyed for a while. I immediately fell in love with the words while she was reading them. So, Without further ado..
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
A Poem Of Love
By Roy Croft
I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.
2/24/2011
30 Before 30
I saw this list at this lovely ladies blog, and decided that it was an amazing idea and I just had to have one. I feel it gives me specific things to accomplish. I don't want to turn 30 and realize the little things I wanted to do I never did because time passed me by. So here is the start of my official list:
1 Kitchen remodel
2 Repurpose a piece of furniture
3 Be entered into the foster parent program
4 Marry the man of my dreams :)
5 Beat the Air Force PT standards for women
6 Buy and ride my own bicycle
7 Guest room makeover
8 Create 3 things for our home (anything)
9 Make and hang curtains for our room
10 Bathroom makeover
11 Laundry room makeover
12 Have a family portrait taken
13 Go on a cruise with Mike
14 Have two cars paid off
15 Bake jalapeno bread
16 Collect 500 dollars in change for Natalie's savings
17 Buy a new couch for the den
18 Get a mattress for the guest room
19 Add a second rack to mine and Mikes closets
20 Have the family here for Thanksgiving
21 Plant flowers in our front garden
22 Make a dress
23 Take Natalie on a family vacation
24 Finish Natalie's baby scrapbook
25 Visit Colorado
26 Travel to another country
27 Learn to cook 10 new things
28 Get furniture for the patio
29 Take a dance class
30 Have a garage sale
1 Kitchen remodel
2 Repurpose a piece of furniture
3 Be entered into the foster parent program
4 Marry the man of my dreams :)
5 Beat the Air Force PT standards for women
6 Buy and ride my own bicycle
7 Guest room makeover
8 Create 3 things for our home (anything)
9 Make and hang curtains for our room
10 Bathroom makeover
11 Laundry room makeover
12 Have a family portrait taken
13 Go on a cruise with Mike
14 Have two cars paid off
15 Bake jalapeno bread
16 Collect 500 dollars in change for Natalie's savings
17 Buy a new couch for the den
18 Get a mattress for the guest room
19 Add a second rack to mine and Mikes closets
20 Have the family here for Thanksgiving
21 Plant flowers in our front garden
22 Make a dress
23 Take Natalie on a family vacation
24 Finish Natalie's baby scrapbook
25 Visit Colorado
26 Travel to another country
27 Learn to cook 10 new things
28 Get furniture for the patio
29 Take a dance class
30 Have a garage sale
2/07/2011
Cuppy!
My daughter, Natalie has a problem with her right hand... It doesn't open all the way. It looks as though the skin is just too tight on her palm to open each finger more than 90 degrees. She doesn't have any developmental issues just the hand and low muscle tone in her legs (which we don't yet know what caused that). Shes very smart, however and figures out how to grab and hold things with both hands. Small things are challenging for her at times, such as using a sipping cup. But, today... for the first time... Natalie successfully drank from her cuppy! She was laying down (because she cant really pick up the cuppy yet when its full because its too heavy..) and she drank over half of it!! I'm a proud mama!
She will probably have to have surgery to clip the skin of her fingers so they open, but for now she wears a hand split at night to help "naturally" open them as much as possible. She too young for surgery now.
Im just so happy for my little baby! And as I sit here typing this now, she has rolled back to her cup, grabbed it and is now working on the second half of the formula!
Im just so happy for my little baby! And as I sit here typing this now, she has rolled back to her cup, grabbed it and is now working on the second half of the formula!
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